Flipping through answers to remedy anxiety;
flipping through channels to numb the existential perplexity

Sweep the hair away from her face, just to toss over her shoulder
count how many bites she takes of you until she’s full

Practice pronouncing the word GOOD exuberantly
So that when they ask how you’re doing, they are without access to a state of dejection

Try not to peel off your skin with your own hands
at the sight of rejection
tilt your head back to the sky and remember how simple life was when all you did was sing on the swings at recess
Try to recalculate your way home to avoid construction workers eyes from peeling off your sun dress

On days you cant bear to greet the mirror, uncertain what she will think of you–
stare back relentlessly.
Do not let her absorb what you believe you are.

When she has too many drinks
don’t question her patterns, do not indulge her tears
instead fall effortlessly into the quicksand of her mind game,
knowing she will destroy you anyway.

Laugh at the cancer-stick jokes the smokers make on their lunch break
pretend it doesn’t cut like a razor blade to taunt an invisible monster that stole your childhood away.
visit the pacific ocean once a year and see how many hours you can go without tears replenishing your perspective of life’s waiting game.

Attempt to wash the sting away with alcohol
lead yourself to a dimly-lit room and bathe in the approving eyes of strangers
Then go home and crawl into bed like a rechargeable battery
that doesn’t get to stop going.

Depersonalize yourself intelligently
by finding everything inside your closet to be out of style.
then realize you never really had a style.
Panic at realization.
wear the same sweater two days in a row like a life boat to safety

Don’t let them see the inside
keep a tight smile, a loose joke, and a light laugh at their feet
watch them dissolve in your aura as you enlighten their darknesses
breathe in your shadow, like the brightest star swallowing the light of day at sunset
be heavy,
allow dreams to talk you into a state of contentment
And then stay there,
Flipping through answers until they are found.




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