After making my existential debut in southern California, my family moved north to be closer to the mountains, to get away from LA’s unfortunate body-botching culture, and to witness all 4 seasons peacefully in Central Oregon. So it isn’t that I am far removed from the knowledge of just how cold a winter can be, but boy, do I scratch my head hard each time winter comes to the city I willingly chose to move to, back in 2013.
Minnesota’s winters are frigid to say the least. Which is an extremely fascinating paradox to its summertime sweltering humidity. But nonetheless, to experience such drastic changes keeps life exciting, and constantly renewed. As a current non-car owner, I am appreciative to not have the burden of snow emergencies to worry about, parking fees to pay, gas prices to stress over, or insurance costs and general upkeep that winter car owners experience. On the other hand, my current vehicle, (My feet), are tired of traveling from point A to B in weather conditions that will only become increasingly worse as the weeks go on. Of course I have moments of wishing my travel to work did not include layers upon layers to stay warm. It would be great if I could wear tights and heels, and have a heated car to drive to work in.
But this year I am focusing on gratitude, and the warmth from within.
Last year at this time, things were completely different in my life. I had just left an unhappy, borderline abusive relationship with a person I didn’t even really like, and it took me quite sometime to come to terms with the fact that I had
A. Allowed this person into my life, and
B. Continued to allow them to stay.
But to anyone that can relate, knows that abuse is tricky. Not only is it difficult to recognize and accept, it has the power of gas-lighting and convincing the victim that they are wrong, that they are not worthy, and places them helplessly at the abusers mercy.
To put it lightly, I lost myself last year. And today, 1 year later, I am proud and delighted to say, that at this time in my life I have never been more myself.
I am proud to be the person I am.
The feminine writer/feminist/free-spirited/hippie-dip /compassionate/loving/poetic/adventurous/complicated/sensitive/beautiful person I am.
I am now strong enough to say no to things that: drain my energy, toxic people that hurt me, and situations that could potentially put me in harms way.
I have finally grown into a place where, while I may not be perfect, I am still a work in progress, I am endlessly progressing and creating myself.
Slowly but surely, I am finding my own light in through the darkness I have encountered, I am paving my own path blindly, I am passionately connected to the internal warmth inside my heart I will not allow to freeze, ever again.
This winter, in cold, cold Minnesota, I will be focusing on what illuminates sadness, what thaws the bitterness, and will be expressing my love and kindness with anyone I can.
Happy Holidays Everyone,