Let me love you

images (2)Let me love you

Let me love you she said,

HER

laughter like gobstoppers—sour enough to numb my tongue against the sweetness of her sugar throne,

until nothing else could be tasted,                      nothing else could make much sense anymore.

The stars weren’t dancing in fire that night

Angry that I had kissed her graciously,

Trying to tie the knot and twist of last year’s loss and another spent probing the time capsule of my wine glass,

Or maybe it was because all she had ever wanted was something else

I may not understand
why the craving blinds the rationality
and binding holds in place to love the spaces of our bodies that make us sick

All I know is that a broken heart is not just a symptom of lost romance
the ambiguity slithers through the brain like sludge
And  when you’re crying over a howling kettle of hot tea, you can barely hear yourself sobbing.

Maybe the stars are not as beautiful as we imagine
when we are pretending, abiding our time
Until we learn

how to keep lovers

at Bay,

or at least at a distance

If they follow, I will reorganize my way home

So that they do not have to distinguish

The depths of my heart, which was once a castle I had no problem sharing

Shell-shocked and crooked they come running
after months of

“I hope I never see you again” text messages

I can finally hold in the cries of forget-me-knots perfectly

but it’s not so easy when they stop blaming me
Its not so easy to forgive yourself
when the past feels like a collection shelf

“Let me love you”
She says
Crooked, uncanny
Hair sticking straight up, bad breath in the morning
hands tied to your back, insecure and compelling
raw.
allowing someone to love you means
letting them touch the parts of you
that you keep guarded
“Give me the lock to your heart”
it is the sun setting into the ocean like it has found its way home
loving the fragmented mind that cannot be healed on its own

I had wanted to polish the sides of my hips so that I could be thought of as
delicious
but bringing hunger to something can create division to life’s bliss
All that was wanted
was for the world to not to look like a prison
for my body to not feel like a building I have no choice but to jump out of

we are waiting in white rooms
for the ticking of  time
to raise its hand
to demonstrate
love to be something other than
a system
where wisdom is not tied by the mouth and a cherry stem
but by two people who love the skin each other is in
Next time she commands,
let me love you
I will be ready to be opened
knowing my own self love is the key

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